I was so blessed this synergy conference.. looking at my beloved Ipswich LG, i was blessed. I was blessed most during the baptism of HS.. was so touched encouraged you name it .. it was very amazing moment, is like i can literally know and feel that HE IS THERE.. He was seeing all of it.. and doing such a amazing job is LIVES/HEARTS. my heart melt/touched by Him so much..so much.. that my tears couldn't control itself.. but flow out.. GOD IS GOOD. HS is a precious gift. truly this yr has been so drama, but yet, the most amazing part is you can literally see HIS HANDS on Us.. continue to grow.. continue to soak ourselves in GOD's presence... is the best place to be.

Was also super blessed this conference because, .. is as if God is leading me back to my FIRST LOVE for Him. we got to sit at the 1st 2 rows in front!!! haha.. :) was amused. I enjoy seeing Mel's expression when she knows we are sitting in front rows! haha.. but.. i din know it make such a big difference. i still remember how every single sunday right after i accepted God in my heart, i always sit in the 2nd row!! and i always respond!!! be it during worship, preaching, altar call. it was really good... and esp when this song was sang.. everything by Tim Hughes. I was so touched,it  reminded me of every single day while i drive to school last time.. i would wake up and drive to school 1 hr earlier and just get my sketchbook out and draw what God show me, and just talk to HIm like a friend. i would on TIM HUGHES songs. i love his songs.. is always solely our heart to God song.. my fav are like If there's one thing, may the words of my mouth, never loose the wonder, redeemer, let my words be few, .. those truly touched my heart alot alot! it just gets your eyes LOCK ON GOD. and convict your heart to want HIM more than anything else. God really soften my heart so much.. words cannot express my gratitude for Him. His presence melt my heart again and again.. during the night worship, after when Ps Lailing spoke..i saw a vision where God took me to this "Secret place" where I had a dream many many years back.. this "destiny" place, that time in the place i still remember i was running so hard, i want to get there so fast, i tried running i felt is so slow, then i tried taking train, bus, every means of ways i want to get to "Destiny" and at the end, i ran and ran,even on the train i was running!! i was so tired, i saw a HUGE HUGE HAND COMING FROM THE sky towards me, GOd's hand..i hold on to it and i fell asleep, when i woke up, I WAS AT THE DESTINY, it was just a secret place playing my fav tall swing with God. And this time, the vision was at the same exact place,i was there playing kite with GOd.. ... i love it. i love the solely me and God moment. i love it... i love to just .... ENJOY EACH MOMENT WITH HIM. IS REALLY A DAY WITH HIM BETTER THAN A THOUSAND DAYS ELSEWHERE.

Everything- Tim hughes

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

10 months of having puah shin le in the same house, it was amazing experience. haha.. :) i still remember the first sem, she is so funny drama.. how she always felt this course wasnt for her and how before exam, she is like wanting to die like that.. :) haha... she will cry for 2 hours at weird hours ..when people want to sleep. and how she would continue to talk and talk 2 hours oredi and when u close the door goodnight, she still continue stand outside the door and TALK. And how this sem was a different. she grew to take her own responsibility, although we don't know what the outcome is, but trusting God to have His way. she grew to be more self-less. haha.. she grew to be more caring and loving. Thank God for her. when i send her off yesterday, was ..really sad :'( TIME FLIES.. is as if is just yesterday i pick her up from airport shuttle bus.. and now... she is back home. But, 3 weeks very fast...!!!! :) I still want to thank God for her life...without her here, i think it will be super bored.. haha....... you've been a blessing dearest.... although you can be a pain in my ass, but........... I STILL LOVE YOU! :> remember to grow in the Lord even back home, HE IS OUR SOURCE of everything. can't wait to go home!

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how pragmatic i have become living in this country...

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This is just my opinion, okay?

If you get into a relationship with someone who's already committed to someone else, then there's always that a breaking up looming ahead, right? My take on that is this: that if my partner who is committed to someone decides to end things with me (1) to be with his girl or (2)for any other reason, then I should bite the bullet and let him go. Even if it hurts. Consequently, if I should wish to remove myself from the relationship because (1) I've found someone for myself, or (2) I just want to stop being the other woman, then the guy should also let me go, even if it hurts.

So why does #2 keep bugging me to come back and be with him again? I think he is being unfair...

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i'm teaching the clueless guys now. when the love of your life is not attracted to you for now, try again and again to win her heart. if you really love the girl, she will be able to see it that one time in her life you've always loved her. who knows you will have a chance then. try the soft, sweet, and slow method. be persistent. just don't be too annoying/creepy, she might run away.

meanwhile, i almost finish d/ling rab ne bana di jodi with english subs, gonna watch it tml...whoo hoo i'm excited.

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After all that's said and done...

You finally said: "Are you still mad at me?"

I said: " I'm not really mad at you, I just can't be."

You said: "Can we be friends again?"

I said: "Sure. :)"

Then you said: "I can feel our friendship will be better. I'm just not ready, yet."

~ F*KC! I hate myself... so much. For feeling this way towards you, for even fantasizing about that flirty "I'm just not ready, yet" line you threw at my face, for thinking that one day, you'll wake up and realize that the girl that you're looking for is me. I soo effin' hate myself for this, and yet, I don't understand why I keep on logging onto FB and hoping against all hope that you'd be online so we can talk.

I need a hug. *wipes tears*

Mood: confused

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Ever since I was in elementary, I've always liked hanging out with my guy friends a tiny bit more than with my girl friends. I like being one of the boys. I like that boys have a lot less drama. And I especially like that my guy friends don't treat me differently "because I happen to be a girl". I am their  friend--no gender biases there.

Here are my best  guy friends, some of whom I've lost touch with, temporarily I hope, because of distance. But I am sure then when we meet again, it's be as if we were never separated from each other. This is friendship, guy style.

My favorite guy friends:

1. WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER EVEN BEFORE WE KNEW OURSELVES: Two  guys who were my classmates the whole 6 years in elementary, and with whom I had gone to the same the same high school. They didn't need to be invited to come to my house on my birthday, even if it's during the holidays, and people don't usually go to other people's houses on those days, they always went out of their way to visit me on my special day, even if it's a good hour away from the city. Also, if they were hungry and had already used up their allowance, they'd come to me. I did the same to them. On family days at school and I had no "family" to be with, their families "adopted" me so I wasn't "the poor girl who had no family on family day". They were better at grasping math concepts than I was so they "tutored" me. But I was better at studying and always got better grades. They never hated me for that, and still helped me with stuff I hated, like physics! And whenever exam time came, they'd sit next to me and I let them copy my paper. We all got good grades and were happy. :) There was this guy I really liked in high school. He and I were close, too, but he had a girlfriend. I never told anyone about my feelings for that guy, but somehow these two guy friends found out, and they'd always cheer me up when they knew I was down. When we were in college one of these two guys tried to court me, but I said I preferred to be just friends. We're still friends now.

2. INTERNET FRIENDSHIP COME TO LIFE: A guy I met over the Internet almost 10 years ago turns out to be a good friend, even until now!  We come from the same province so when we were still there, he came to my house a few times to just talk and watch TV. He has a girlfriend of 6 years who went to the same elementary and high school with me. She's one batch ahead of me. We're not really friends but she's cool and I like that she's not a jealous girlfriend. Even when she's in another country, she doesn't get mad that my friend and I go out sometimes to eat. Or that I he invites me to his place to watch movies. In fact, she prefers that I go out with him more than his other friends. I guess she knows very well that he's "safe" with me. He and I can talk for hours  about whatever, and in a mix of English, Filipino, and our native dialect which is so super cool.

3. I CAN DEAL WITH A "PERVERTED" MIND: My best college guy friend. He calls me "pare" so I was assured that in his eyes, I was a guy. And that worked out really well because for the whole 5 years of college, we were very close and there was never any awkwardness. His family knew me well, and his parents and I always have a good talk whenever I slept over. Even when I was with him, he had no qualms about buying porn and "scandals". He even lent me the good ones, and I did watch them LOL. There were times he had girlfriends and he'd always introduce them to me. One time he had a relationship with a girl his family didn't approve of. I was their medium of communication. Sometimes in his car I'd see gas receipts from Sta. Mesa and I asked, "How the hell did you get to Sta. Mesa when you live in freakin' Paranaque?" "Pare, alam mo na yun," was his answer. Hahaha. It always gave me a good laugh, and I'm laughing now as I remember those many, many instances. When he had plans to do something "illegal" with someone, he'd tell me that his mom was going to check up on him and I was supposed to tell her that her son was with studying with me. So I always covered up for him. My only request was for him to never, ever get anyone pregnant. :) He was the only one who knew I was having a relationship with a married guy. I can't remember exactly what he said. But it was something short, like, "Pare, ingat lang ha." When I was in the worst time of my life, and was close to being homeless, he was the only person I ran to and he told me I could live in their house. I refused and instead got a small, dark, dingy room in a rotten place. He helped me move and visited me from time to time to check if I was doing fine. Unfortunately, I've lost touch with him. He's in the US now, but I'm going to find this motherf***** and castigate him for not telling me.  :D :D

===oOo===

There was only one guy friend with whom I did something "crazy" because, well, he really asked for it and we both knew it was just a one time and no strings attached thing. When he was still in Manila we'd meet occasionally (something like twice a year, really, thanks  to busy schedules)to have dinner and catch up. It was just that one time when he was about to go home to our province that the crazy thing happened. :D Anyway, he and I are still good friends, and we still act like nothing happened. In fact, we're  looking forward to meeting again after 2 years(?) when I go home this December.  No crazy stuff, this time. :p Oh, so I'll make this guy #6.

**This is my third post for the day because I am very happy today. Happy enough to be reminiscing old times, old friends, and many other nice and positive things. This has been  a super day for me! :)

Currently listening to: Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin

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Can girls like someone like or have a crush on someone harmlessly? Yes, we can, unfortunately, not all of us can. A harmless crush is a fun thing, when you can quietly giggle when your crush walks by, or blush when he says something nice. The good thing about a harmless crush is the absence of expectations. It could be because the guy is already committed, or you think he's  out of your league, or simply because what you have is just a crush and you have no fantasies of living life happily ever after with this man. It's all good, really, because the absence of expectations makes you free from disappointment or worse, a broken heart. There are no complicated scenarios of feeling like having unrequited like (which is terrible), which could lead to depression and who-knows-what-else.

Are you capable of this? 'Cause I am, and I think this is what makes me happy, so happy!

I can remember many of these harmless crushes, and I do still have a lot of them, and I always remember them fondly, without that needle pricking my heart or something.

I can't write down about every one of them, but here are some of my "favorite" crushes.

(1) When I was a student, I had a harmless crush on this professor. He was not my professor, but I knew him. He didn't know I existed, I think, but that just made it better! :D Everytime I needed inspiration to study, and everytime I had an exam in or near that building, I'd casually walk by his office. Whenever I saw him, I felt so happy and ready to conquer the world. Guess what, I aced all those subjects. :) He's still working there, and I hope another student can have another harmless crush on him and have him as an effective lucky charm!

(2) I had a harmless crush on my team leader when I was still working in a call center. Guess what, I was never absent, or late (partly because it's not in my nature to come in late for work, and partly because of him) and I always performed well because I wanted to hear him say "Good job!" :D :D And every time my TL requested some of us to do overtime, and I didn't have anything planned for the day, I volunteered because I knew how finding someone willing was really difficult. I was living alone at that time so I volunteered to come in at Christmas and New Year, too. I hit many birds with one stone (1) I didn't have to spend the holidays alone, (2) I was with my cute manager, (3) the food at the office was super, and we were allowed to eat at our workstations!, (4) I earned a lot, thanks to holiday pay. haha! I really loved what I was doing; I was part of an excellent team, and had an amazing superhuman manager whom I had a big crush on. Why wouldn't I go to work everyday?


I still have crushes now, and will continue to have them. I never tell anyone about it so I never get teased. But I get all the fun :)

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If you deserve it, like you really are doing something, then you can't complain, right? But when it's baseless and springs from mere paranoia, yay, it could get ugly.

I know of someone who was so paranoid about her boyfriend possibly exchanging e-mails and chatting with girls. The guy was friendly, but he was devoted to her he wouldn't do anything to betray her trust. The woman, wanting to have concrete evidence, bought software that records all the keystrokes you make.

How does it work? According to the guy's sibling, this program records every key you press on the keyboard, and then sends the report to the woman's email address. Initially she didn't have access to his email account. But thanks to the program, she was able to gain access to all his accounts--email, networking, and what-have-you.

The guy was exchanging emails with ex-girlfriends (yes, plural form,), but not with the purpose of rekindling the fire, or anything. It was just for friendship's sake(really!). But she was so jealous that she she couldn't help confronting him and accidentally mentioning the contents of the emails. That was how he realized she had somehow gained access to his email. He defended himself, by telling her matter-of-factly that really, the emails didn't mean anything. But she wouldn't believe him.

The guy asked his techie sibling to help him figure out how she could get all this information. (I can't tell you how he did it, suffice it is to say that he did find out that he had installed that program.) Sibling told brother about the program and as expected, it infuriated him.

Many other things happen which led to one thing--a bad break-up. And another kid with a broken home.

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