Unsent letter

There I was at Jolibee having my lunch/breakfast alone. In the call center lingo, every 1 hour break whichever time it falls is called lunch break. I ordered the hotdog breakfast meal, not really my favorite, but I only had P50 in my pocket.

While I munch my way out of hunger, my mind is also busy thinking of things that I shouldn’t be thinking. Lately, I have been considering ending my relationship with my partner (because I don’t really know how to call him).

I’ve always believed in not giving up on someone. I’ve always believed in working things out, but I don’t feel like that’s going to be the case between us.

In my head, while putting ketchup on the eggs on my plate, I was rehearsing what I’m going say to him.

You know that I love you, and I don’t think that it’ll ever change. But I don’t think this relationship healthy for both of us, I’m not even sure if there’s even a relationship between us. You text or communicate only whenever you feel like communicating. I understand that I’m being clingy and as much as you don’t want me like that, I also don’t like myself acting like that.

And then I realized, maybe because I can’t trust you. Maybe you’ve injured my heart so many times that it’s afraid to trust you again. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about you not replying to my messages or you acting like you don’t care.

It because you want me to behave like someone I’m not and you don’t seem to be exerting any effort to make things work for us.

I am selfish. I want to be with someone thoughtful, someone sweet. I want to be with someone who cares with the things that I’m doing, who listens, who, even if he doesn’t like doing it, will still stay on the toughest times of my life.

And you refuse to be that. And I won’t insist in making you that.

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